There's always an answer

Let me first thank Chief Kim Jennings for letting me stay at his home Monday night, as well as feeding me, which isn't easy.:-) The Canton FD led me out of town under lights, to be joined by Alba FD, and then Mansfield FD Firefighter Jerry led me into Mansfield and bought me lunch. Thank you for the escort, it was a great mental break to just "ride" and not be listening for 18 wheelers approaching.

After leaving Mansfield in hot temperatures and a 22 mph headwind my body began to reach its breaking point. A saddle sore (http://www.liquicell.com/assets/pdf/Saddle%20Sores%20(P.%20Kortebein).pdf) I had been nursing for 2 days finally became to much to overcome. I pushed and pushed, chewing aspiring and taking breaks. It felt like a lighter was being held under my seat, no matter if I was standing or sitting. I continued riding, tears rolling down my face from the pain, both emotional as well as physical. My legs were strong but it didn't matter. I could not pedal anymore and knew it would be at least a week before I could ride again, and knew it would just come right back in a few days of hot riding.

Selfishly, I wondered for a brief moment if this fundraiser was the biggest mistake of my life. Then I said, "No, that's ridiculous." You can either lead a safe life or an authentic one. You gotta bet big to win big, but you may also lose big. I figured the awareness that needs to be raised for the burn community is worth this gamble, I don't have any pride that can be harmed or ego that can be bruised. It's all or nothing.

I crawled off of my bike and sat on the side of Rt. 6 under the scorching sun weeping for all of the people I felt I was letting down. My sincere hopes of this ride were not to be via the way I had planned and trained for 4 months. The faces of everyone who signed my bike, people who called me on this journey, those who have donated, and supported me were in my mind and I felt terrible, vulnerable. I felt like I was the lowest person on earth. I felt like a fraud. I called my wife crying and apologized to her for this perceived failure. I then called Amy, Jeff, and Kahty apologizing, sobbing, and distraught. I have always accomplished what I have set my mind to do. Whether it be 62 college credits in 10 months, working full time and getting my A + P licence for 2 years while sleeping 4-5 hours a night, moving my house and driving to Texas non-stop all in 42 hours, or teaching myself how to use an English wheel to do an aircraft repair that no one else wanted to do on a time sensitive aircraft. Until now, if I wanted to see it done, I could do it, and no one could tell me otherwise. Well, we all have to change sometime.

A branch must bend with wind so it won't break, and so I must bend with this headwind I am facing. I cannot ride my bike. It hurts too much and in another day or two I would have a heinous infection. So, here is how I must change to make sure this ride continues and the goal of this fundraiser is met:

I must ask for and accept the offered help of others. This started when I called the Coudersport FD chief Andy to come pick me up 50 miles from his station. He is a saint and sent his son Cecil to come get me. Thank you. I have never truly needed the help of others until 3 pm on May 15, 2007. I was immobile and in the middle of nowhere. They fed me a great speghetti dinner and then gave me hotel money so my wife and I could get some sleep when she came to pick me up later in the night. We decided to drive home anyway and I am mailing your money back to you, thank you all for your generosity.

I have always been my hardest critic to the point of perfection. I realized that being angry at myself and my body was not going to bring me closer to this heartfelt mission I need to complete for the benefit of others. I don't care one iota what people think of me in this fundraiser, it has and always will be for the burn survivors. My pride and ego are no where near the equation so I needed to find a way to get to San Jose in a reasonable timeframe. I decided my only option was to ride my Suzuki motorcycle to San Jose. Not as dramatic but sincere nonetheless. If the media doesn't like it they can take a hike, I'm not concerned with uplifting you, I appreciate your coverage but this is not for you. This is for Bruce, Amy, George, Jesse, Hope, Jose, Faith, Joe, and for all burn survivors out there.

I saw my Fire Chief this AM after arriving home late, I humbly broke the news of my injury and my new plan. He immediately insisted I take his 100th Anniversary Harley Ultra Glide Fire Edition to San Jose instead. After debating this offer I decided it was safer and more fitting to what we are trying to do here. Thank you Chief Anding. As I was standing in his barn debating my decision, I realized that many people I have known over the years have offered to help me and then puilled the rug out from under me, leaving me skeptical of most people and their intentions. Effectively enabling my innate personality characteristics to make myself an emotional island, free from most pain but experiencing little pleasure as well. I have never let anyone "in" besides my wife, she is the only one who has always stood with me and never screwed me over. Thank you Chief Scott for helping me grow and complete this mission.

That being said, I am in uncharted territory for Mike Manning tonight. I am accepting the help of others and trusting them in the process. I am allowing myself to depend on others. I understand now that in this short journey, as well as the jouney that we call life, we must enlist a team of people to help us live, survive, and enjoy our brief time here on earth.
Good night all and I'll resume the ride on Tuesday AM.

Again, all are welcome to ride with me. I know there are a lot more motorcyclists than cyclists out there. C'mon, help me make lemonade out lemons and show our support, both in motorcycles and in fundraising dollars.

Love to you all, I hope you are still behind this, I sure as hell am,

Mike